Furrore

Talking to Sheru made me realize how satisfied and non-ambitious have I suddenly become. Reading books on Existentialism, Siddhartha, led me to believe I had a unlimited amount of knowledge to perceive from my experiences and endeavors and I shall put 'infi' fight and remain energetic throughout the day trying to achieve maximum. Professionalism. Absistence. Objectivity. Energetic. Javaan.

Last few days (couple of Weeks) Have been as numb as they can get. Just plain old work in office, those long 16 hours in office amounting to a total of around 75 hours per week for the last two weeks, not giving any space for personal or social life, or to my recreation.

Weekends are a naught, meeting people, serving people, and serving the social networks I intend to follow. Crap. Need to get on my toes do what I do, had promised myself to do, and continue with my pursuit of happiness.

Last weekend, Saturday night, jassi arrived at Sheels place, just to visit Hard Rock Cafe, HRC (Our new SP), for my job treat (Long pending since 4-5 months). And man o man, what a night!
the first time I visited HRC last year, it was this place with an aura around it, its a place of socialites with Expensive items and hard rock next to Totos, a big big place. The next few times were just a roll up, they meant it was a Mandir we had to visit for the music. But this night was different. This night, there was fire juggling. YMCA 6 times. Fuckall music.
And at least 25 women, who looked hotter than page 3 socialites, or should I say, I have never seen the concentration of hotness in A place even in Europe. Those Shortest minis, those spaghetis and rolling dresses, beautiful faces (No, not made up hot faces, but beautiful ones), Drunk women drooling over each other, posing modeling shots for a photographer, dancing on YMCA with the waiters. The place was jam packed, I think with around 300 odd people. At one YMCA, there were 10 women on the tables dancing, and at least 6 of them looked as if they could enter a Miss India show (Not sure about the intellect though :D)

HRC has always been the place to see hot chicks, but not these levels ! We couldn't take our eyes off them!

The most tharki, havasi, junta around there was none other than us. :(
We looked like chindhi people drinking something, headbanging at some good songs and enjoying with friends. While they seem to be having a hoopla. It seemed that they had so much energy, money and beauty to flaunt. They were the happiest people it seemed. the youthful vibrancy, the zest in the air was unmatched. It was like being in Mood I Rock fest. You can imagine.

Just a thought welled up my mind, in these times of distress everywhere, there are these people enjoying every moment, living upto it, will go some place, have sex with their newly found one night stands and then go home drunk at 5 in the morning, then carry on with their lives. These are the optimistic people, who have the power, the financial aukaat, and can aspire to do what they want to do, steer themselves.

On another level, I thought evolution of places like HRC is such a symbol of the spread of happiness (Please leave capitalism and business for once moment). Such places are the epitomes of 300 people being happy for a couple of days. And refresh themselves. The whole world has places, things, and events to make each other happy. Everyone fights for the same deal. Some profit out of it. Others just enjoy plain. Too Much abstraction. Sorry.

So, coming out of bed today, I decided I would try to be as optimistic, energetic, and controlled as possible. Will work again to be on the path of the golden mean (Aristotle), as I was some weeks back. This controlled action, thought and aukaat mein rehkar sochna, prediction and confidence is good. NO commitment, less expectation, reasonable expectation, sensible movements, slowly and steadily moving towards a higher goal, growing towards something more beautiful than just laughter.

Laughter is a killer btw! Me and chirag were just discussing the other day how we would never be able to live without us laughing at every tiny bit of crap! We laugh at the mere dialogue delivery, at our 'studness'! Anyways, that would turn out to be boring for you, Reader.
Just remember what I told sheru yesterday, 'I have realized that our when the basic goal is happiness. A very simple realization it is, though is very profound. When I work, I become happy, when I study Cfa I become happy, When I read the paper, when I eat, when I go out for boozing, when I treat for my job, when I meet somebody, when I'm sad over something, I drink again, whenI read a novel, when I read philosophy, when I'm with a girl, when I abstain, when I sleep, whatever I do makes my happy. Then why the fuck are we thinking so much!

So let me begin with my daily chores of cleaning up my mind with some news, eating an apple, and drinking some beautiful water.

Just to clear out the statistics, HRC - 5 people with 1 teetotaller, 26 beers, 12 pegs of whiskey, some food billing to 8K.
Just to remind you, it was my job treat. Fuck.

So, Where Shall We Go?

हमको मन की शक्ति देना मनविजय करें ,
दूसरो की जय से पहले ख़ुद को जय करें ।।

Discussions among friends about joining a ngo, or doing something for somebody except ourselves, again instigated within me a sense of guilt and shame, alongwith the confusion and plethora of choices that my ignorance bestows me with.

Firstly, what principle should one follow? Greater good of the society. Or good for an individual.
Work with a local organization with greater impact on 2 children for 10 years, or work towards 'upliftment' of 1000 slum dwellers? Be a part of an NGO, which I know is minting money and paying huge salaries out of the donations received, or be a part of a voluntary org where there is no funding, no salary?

Listen to the speech made my Mr. Manmohan Singh, its like a poem. Sung with great rhythm, melody and hope. The optimism in his voice is enchanting. Then come the ideas I have been developing. Remember Deccan Airways? Rs. 300 a ticket? Why did they rise to 1000? Now, tribals in maharashtra cannot afford the same. Just because the government needs that 100 % tax on aviation. Nice.

Such incomprehensive and non-complimentary policies will not only harm the nation, but not justify his speech. Now, coming to the point of development. Discrimination and Development.
Of whom? Economic Growth, development, social service, infrastructure, standard of living, basic education, social awareness, healthcare, sports, blah blah. Ring a bell?

Abhinav Bindra. Doing the nation proud. Why the showers of laudes and cash prizes on him? Isn't he already a filthy rich man with assets of around 200 crores? Is it such a great achievement? The sportsmanship, yes. The spirit, no. I find the spirit better in my housemaid, who works at my house for Rs. 400 per month, and sends her kids for monthly private schooling of Rs. 1000, + tutions worth Rs. 300. Imagining the plight?

अमीरी है सितारा गरीबी है एक आँसू ...

Externalizing resources, distributing electricity for exorbitant prices (Reliance prices per watt are amazingly and foolishly high), Jammu Kashmir foolishness, the naxalite furore, Rang de basanti emotion, Hakeekat?

Policy making, being a volunteer, be an activist, be part of the local political organization, start a small school, be a social entrepreneur, start a company adding value to millions, be a social consultant.

What is the optimal path?
With a noble cause, can power still remain pure?
Are means to reach an end justifiable?
Yuva, RDB, Lakshya, Haasil, Shool, Satya, Munnabhai - Give some pointers.

So, a recent survey somewhere enlightened me: For every Rupee used for implementing a social project, Rs. 25000 is spent for getting that money, paying salaries to the officials involved, infrastructure etc. Horrendous?

I once visited Dr. Apte's house in a village near Solapur to see his self-sustainable house, with a farm growing everything to eat, a life without electricity, everything natural. (Dr. Apte is an agriculturist, worked for the government for 20 years) We stayed there for 2 days one night. We were around 20 of us from different parts of Maharashtra, forming a group called Nirmaan. Mr. Apte was a very well educated man and a man of words. He explained every little detail of his Gandhian following and the injustice to the farmers due to the price controls, while inflation kept on growing, which an urban person can never understand on his own. There was an AIR journalist there, from Bombay, who was talking to us and discussing the same. So, when I explained my views about things, IITB, resources and my future plans, politics etc, she had one question to ask: Why have iitians come here to this village? I was convinced to give her a piece of my mind, but then decided to control. I still regret that moment. Why can't I know more about India's villages?

Intellectual discussions, Planning, projecting, and estimating the effects of a particular thing on a particular case. Required. Though also required is the further implementation. Patience. Dare Devilry. Men and women of Courage. Or be strong enough, powerful enough and rich enough to have an impact. This seems so hypocritic.

Or continue what we are doing, pay taxes, be a good citizen, attend polls, attend the society meetings, maintain a sense of decorum, be a just and honest citizen with a clean heart.

The parliamentary vote session produced such a sense of shame, that we as a people are such. No, they are not, all of us. They reflect us. Considering the state as a separate entity than us. State and Society are not different. State is not for society. alone. State is by society. For society, together with society. More than 2 crore employees work in the government (state and central). The others too have a duty.

Suddenly a humming tone:

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;
Where knowledge is free;

Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls;

Where words come out from the depth of truth;

Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;

Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;

Where the mind is led forward by thee
Into ever-widening thought and action - - Into that heaven of freedom,
My Father, let my country awake

-गीतांजलि
A beautiful dream, lush green grass and azure skies with laughter flowing in the wind, happiness is just the way of life, everyone smiling at the moment, and a tear in my eye being caught by a butterfly. Me-topia.

Luxury of saying all this comes from the fact that I can still type and earn a good enough amount. The day my house be destroyed in floods, or I become a victim of a bomb blast, no longer will I be able to discuss, or even pity anyone similar. Will Regret my misunderstanding of Guilt.

Dollar Parity

Let us first realize how big the dollar parity is. How much a dollar is worth. How inflation is dependent. How equilibrium is far from existing.

Let us take some figures for eg.
One dollar exchange rate = 40.
Purchasing power parity: 1:5, i.e. you can spend 5 times in India with as much money as in the US.

How should this be possible? Shouldn't labour be worth the same? Shouldn't a chocobar equal to one chocobar and not five in india?
Some countries develop, some don't, some at a faster rate. So inflations are different in every country. Exchange rates drop, rise. Parities change. But who started the exchange rate? Is it ruled by demand and supply alone? More countries believing in the US, and thus buyin more US dolllars so its worth increases? A faster path to production, industrialization and smarter tactics? You obviously can't just increase minting money, you have to create moneys worth, real money. Sell. Produce. Export. SO did these countries, the US, australia, NZ start earlier and got ahead in the race? Do the unemployment rate, trade balances, interest rates affect the dollar weakness? Yes, they do. So are we saying, we started out late, and hence are behing the US, and now until the US screws up, we are not going to beat them? Or NZ for that matter?

Secondly, its unfair for a global citizen to be living lives on parity. Parity should be one, such should be things. Third world, first world. Reaping benefits for a few smart tactics of a few ancestors in a few countries.

And this power is so great, that it can move Manmohan to sign a deal, or governments can fall on the orders of a US national decision. The pressure of the World bank, IMF, UN, and the G8, is too artificial but humongous enough to be gone against by anyone. Someone like Che or Osama or Sadam are upto it. Putting a goverment at stake in order to let some businessmen sell you uranium, when the only stake a hand is some thousand megawattt power. Sounds very goody goody and problem solver, but do those billions of dollars of dollars solve the problem of electricity? Aren't we self-sufficient or even smarted to buy it cheaper from someone else?
Are we doubting Indian scientists for developing the technologies for the same that we need some capitalist to sell us the same? We export everything under the sun in thousands of cruises and planes, and we get a plane of uranium in return, and it equals out all trade balances with a country. Wtf. Economic disparity and human worth are proportional in this world. Economic disparity is due to the production and advancement, while human worth is due to the exchange rate. Now, is it true that, if I want to steal some money, I better get a passport and steal in the UK and return home to become a millionaire!
The injustice in this world very well disguised by the industrialization. I will add to this post soon as I keep on searching on facts.

Romantic math

Square Root of 3

There are ways how a geek can propose to his high school sweetheart, and then there is this poem:
I'm sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three
The three is all that's good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine
For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic
I know I'll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality
When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three
As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer
We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands
Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

Dilli Durbar

So having listened tirefully to the comparison of delhi bombay lifestyles, youth, public temperaments and food, I finally landed off the artistic name, Hazrat Nizamuddin finding vibhu's car in the parking lot in the direction of Sarai Kalekhan. Smoking a puff after 14 hours, being full with the plethora of food provided by the 2 tier AC, felt the stench and the invitations from the rickshaw-wallas. Cycle rickshaw, I was yet to discover involves more mehnat than the auto, but earns more too, due to less maintenance and cutting off petrol. Maybe this is the future of no-oil world.

Reaching Vibhu's kothi, a perfect place to be out of the city, with a 2500 sq.ft. apartment, in a locality like Shivaji Park. Roads so wide they could fit 3 buses going one way itself. Public so less in number on spaces so empty, it feels like Jamnagar. A town with noone interested in earning money. No one running so fast so as to leave a breath. Everyone is so calm, composed, waiting non-eagerly for the next bus, walking down the lane, continuing the lanes of their lives with such well known ignorance, so deep felt knowledge of the so perfect living conditions, satisfied.

Desires and ambitions are but a farce here. Its all integrated in the whole thinking. Having roamed around Palika, realized the difference of salesmanship and capitalistic structure. While in Bombay, store handlers would attract customers with such force, but be inviting. They would succumb to the customers satisfaction of being right, believing the customer is always right. Here its not the case. The pride of running a store, the self respect of being right, and the right to sell a thing for he/she chooses it for, is more important. Can't judge either. Each has its own charm. Capitalism v/s Dignity.

Being drunk at a SP watching India beat Pakistan to a target of 300, felt good. Reaching home felt bad. Not because it was home, but it was past 12. Aunty was angry. And it was not different as happens with my Mom in Bombay. So some things are the same in both the cities. :)

Had met Vibhu's cousin, the jugadumax banda. Knows all the optimal paths around here, the best bars, the best ice creams, best buys from any shopping place, and everything possible in a city. Cute yet street smart.

Girls. Heard that Delhi girls are hot, hotter than the ones in Bombay, contrary to my experience. We visited entire Delhi, well almost, I couldn't visit any mall (Yes, i know missed the hotspots)
We landed at Chandni Chowk traveling in the local bus + auto, and landed in somewhere very synergetic. Its a mixture of everything possible. Cosmopolitan. Stood beside the Red Fort, overlooking the Jain Derasar, roamed around to see the cloth merchants and kirane type shops, past a Baptist Church. Visited the Gurudwara of Sri Tej Bahadur's Martyrdom. First time ever.
Felt good. Haldirams was just fantastic. The best various types of sweets are showcased so beautifully.

We bought a smoke extension type of a hukka, for 10 bux. Its awsum. Cancelled my date at gurgaon, and moved on to Jama Masjid. A very simple yet grand structure with very colourful surroundings, we climbed to the top for a view of old delhi. Thousands of homes in yellow, green, red, maroon, chawl type, with small lanes in between them, just like Bombay's slums seen from the top of my building. Just more colourful, and with chawls replacing the shanties. Very glary, goddy and nice. Gives a feel to the city. Have you seen the Pink city from the top of the fort there? Just like that, with everything of a different colour. Brilliant.

Buying small balls which inflate on immersing in water, moved on cycle rickshaw towards the metro, and I was shocked. Exactly like the one seen in Germany. Exact. Couldn't comprehend my feelings. I was taken aback of what India was upto here, how advanced it has become or at least is on its way to the same, and at the same time, filled with shame and disgust as to the sight of local Virar trains in my mind, lack of even a similar trial there for the travel of 5 million people, in the financial capital of a country, where the political capital is enjoying such privileges never seen anywhere in the subcontinent. Maybe such are national dearies. Unable to control my anger, I have to project the facts once again, repeated so many times, but yet since rediscovering something by yourself that someone else has pointed out has its own pleasure. 40 % of national capital arises from Bombay, while Delhi accounts to about 5 %, while the facilities provided in Delhi, the roads, Metro, Spaces, Parks, dignity, is far above what should be expected by a normal Delhiite. Maybe this is the difference between expectation from a capitalistic point of view and the Delhi mindset, the more cultured, more relaxed, calm, composed, with an air of self-pride and non-materialistic way of life. Bombay lacks what is the meaning of a slow, peaceful, coming home taking family for a paan, talking of a teenagers outing and maintaining a distance interaction. Even the most hep children touching their parents feet every morning as a pranaam, it is really different. Can't imagine doing that at my place, I would laugh at myself while doing it. Its just made us that way.

Continued our expedition to the Delhi University but no luck, vacations going on, so we just sat up at a local earing seller and we started chatting ourselves to glory. He was surprisingly very friendly with us, once we got interested in his items. We had chay-sutta with him, and bot 200 bux worth of crap wear. :D
Then we moved to Kamala Market, 2 km walk, and bought nothing. Just looked around for bird watching. Decided to take an auto finally, however inordinate amount of money it took. Being back, I feel satisfied as to see Delhi.

Very different, not very simple to navigate due to its circly shape, (not like bombay, 2 straight lines of railway), people being one single minded - capitalistic, and very helpful because everybody knows it not possible to survive without each others' help here, be it local or safety during night, or a local daru khana. Most of you might have realized what I'm trying to say from this not so well explained piece of blog. Anwyays, Delhi is a nice place to be and stay for long.
But not for Bombayites. We are too used to this fast non family materialistic moving lifestyle with an urge to get more and more and more. But then, More is More is More. (A Rose is a Rose is a Rose?)

Colors

Once again, I return to my obsession with colours.

The soothing effect of white, when chosen as a background, just like the last scene of the movie Black. Transcends space to a meadow, butterflies playing with each other, birds flying in a pattern, and the grass wetting my feet, drowsing me in the lightness of nothingness.

Black. Sultry. Slick. Sexy. Sharp. Eye Catcher. A sexy chick wearing an evening gown, with her black hair falling on her shoulders, with the perfect walk and a smile which is not too happy, and not too expressionless. Just the perfect attitude for you. And me. The grace of a guy walking in his gucci blazer, just having alighted from a black porsche, with his black cellfone, and straight hair like the in 'I like the way you move'. A black screen, in the middle of the night, showing such glimpses. The darkness captured. The shadow of a person you were expecting since an hour. Black Nike shoes. A black Del.

Azure skies. Blues that you get caught up in. Blues that you always wear. The commonness of the favouritism by major teenagers. The smart chick in a blue top and denims, walking with her busy look, avoiding to look at the onlookers. The cuteness of a kid in a denim jacket. The Superman attire. The happy colour. Youthful, casual and trendy. The safest colour to choose when you are confused. It just works.

Green. Speaks more than blue. A tad more enterprising. Sexier. Cooler. Makes you sense a cool breeze over a lawn. Freshens up spirits. Pleasant. Might become dull at times, though.

But my favourite is still red.

Into the Wild

Long nights allow me to feel..am falling ..am falling..
safely to the ground..

A very insightful movie. A very real account. People with tipped heads would understand. Would cry. Would emphathize. Would be ashamed. Would be sorry. Would be falling.

Alex, known by his right name - Chris.

The dialogues speak for themselves:
1. I'm going to paraphrase Thoreau here... rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness... give me truth.

2. I read somewhere... how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong... but to feel strong.

3. Mr. Franz I think careers are a 20th century invention and I don't want one.

4. Society, man! You know, society! Cause, you know what I don't understand? I don't understand why people, why every fucking person is so bad to each other so fucking often. It doesn't make sense to me. Judgment. Control. All that, the whole spectrum. Well, it just...

5. If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed.

6. The freedom and simple beauty is too good to pass up...

Eddie has done a tremendous job. He is made for this. His voice, with the lyrics as they are, true with the spirit of Chris, and his motion through life, his growth, every phase depicted so lucidly, so heartily.

A beautiful movie in all its parts.

A very honest movie. One of those kind, which are straight from the heart.

Have to mention of Long nights.

Have no fear
For when I'm alone
I'll be better off than I was before

I've got this light
I'll be around to grow
Who I was before
I cannot recall

Long nights allow me to feel...
I'm falling...I am falling
The lights go out
Let me feel
I'm falling
I am falling safely to the ground
Ah...

I'll take this soul that's inside me now
Like a brand new friend
I'll forever know

I've got this light
And the will to show
I will always be better than before

Long nights allow me to feel...
I'm falling...I am falling
The lights go out
Let me feel
I'm falling
I am falling safely to the ground.

Red!

This is truly dedicated to Orhan Pamuk, for his book 'My Name is Red'. I just loved the book. Loved it. The style, reminds me of a line by Guy Maupassant in one of his essays, ' Taking a line for a walk'.

This might be at an abstract level, but I would nevertheless like to jot down what comes to my mind by this color, since recently, it has affected my thinking quite a bit.

The color red.

Strength. It signifies a force, so strong that it penetrates straight from my eye into the brain. It stares at me. Generates a feeling that something is there. And it won't budge. However hard I try to look away, it cannot escape the eye.

It signifies danger, blood. Am hemophobic. Scared of blood. I just dip unconscious at the sight of blood.

It brings back Naruto. The Nine Tailed Red Fox inside him. Always, fighting to get control over him. And he fights, so hard that you get to sympathize with him for having such a fate.

Red, is the color for courage, strength and pioneering spirit. It instigates a strong will, a confident and spontaneous quality.

Red is energizing and excites the emotions, and can stimulate the appetite, hence often used in restaurants. It can be used in any activity area but red needs careful choice of tone and depth and the space in which it is to be used as it can make a space look smaller and can be claustrophobic or oppressive. However, used well, red and its variations, can make a space feel warm and cozy.

Red repersents vibrancy. Energy. Chakra. Totally Upbeat personality. Always on your toes, moving, Jab We Met ki Kareena. Never sad. The thing called morale.. Red is dhinch. Its Gujju.

Bindaas. That defines Red. You just love yourself, when you are Red. I want to be red. I want everyone to be Red. It would be such a beautiful world, if everyone would be red. Red Is bold.

Red-blooded is someone who is audacious, robust, virile.

The color of a bride's dress. Of a Tilak. Sindhoor.

Gulal. The color of Holi. Festival of Happiness and Celebration.

However, in the most negative aspect, it is the color of anger, violence and brutality, dominating and stubbornness. Red is associated with lust, passion and beauty. It is used as a symbol of guilt or sin, often as connected with blood or sex. Red is associated with brothels (red-light districts). Red represents the deadly sin wrath. Satan is usually depicted as colored red.

Bright. On the psycho-spiritual level, it relates to self awareness. That is to say our awareness of ourselves as human beings and our place on earth. Relates to our basic human instincts of fighting. Red gives us courage and strength. The color relates to stability and security. When am out of mood, I like to remember this color and get inspired of the spirit which we are embodied of, to face challenges, learning to fight against all odds, its a battle. Of me against myself. And I have to win. Just like Luhrmann's sunscreen - 'In the end, the race is with yourself'

Red is Love. For all the above reasons.

Look! He's not smoking!

Smokers Die Younger, I saw on a packet of cigarettes in my third year and it appealed to me like Maverick did in Top Gun. Shelling out a hundred bucks spontaneously, I smoked half a pack at lakeside with a couple of my friends. 'A cigarette in my hand, I felt like a man', persists for the time when you are learning how to smoke. The times when you are trying to inhale deep, trying smoke rings, the longest fag competition, or some other showtrick in front of your wingmates or at staff canteen. Those are the times of fun. Being cool. Looking cool. And frankly, it does.

I had tried avoiding it for 2 years in IIT, but in the third year succumbed to it. Comeon, who can't be impressed by the coolness associated with it? With quotes like 'If you give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't live any longer, it just seems longer.' One may say it was my choice to smoke.

What concerns me in this article is how early students have started smoking now. There was a sense of shame if in my first year I brought home a pack of ciggis, I would be scared to hell by seniors; now its a matter of pride to smoke in the corridors. Smoke before brushing has turned out to be essential for the early morning chores.

The trend in IIT has gone from bad to worse in terms of the highness required at any point of life, be it a wing treat, or a batch outing. Alcohol and smoke go hand in hand now a days. And there are no barries between juniors and seniors now.
Earlier, we used to avoid smoking with seniors, which is not the case now. In the craze, being a sensible and strong willed person, an iitian thinks he will never get addicted. He will try out the pleasure of smoking for a while and leave it for good. Coming from a lecture directly to Staff C, smoking away in glory with the sutta gang, is just an ordeal repeated everyday, where you gather information about the lectures, campus gossip, happenings, 'jugaads'. Attending meetings for the various organisational bodies at Shack, having the lovely morning snack at Kresit, now the juice at Bhavani, or the famous chay at Mahendar bhai (main gate) is inevitably accompanied with smoke flying off. The sutta brotherhood forms as soon as one is lighted, and the 'discussion' begins. A person who doesn't smoke obviously feels out of place among 5 of his smoker friends. He might venture for a cigarette just to be a part of the group. He continues smoking for a week wih just one ciggi a day, and he is roped in forever. The craving begins, and he walks all the way to staff c for one, gathering
those dificult Rs. 4 from his wing. It surely is a sight.

And when they can't get up in the morning without a cigarette, the reality
of addiction sets in.

Once while making fun of the whole habit, we were discussing how disgusting this habit has become and how addicted we all are (contrary to our earlier beliefs that we could never be addicted and we carry a will stronger than Skywalker), we realised that we smoked without sense or reason. Smoke before lunch, after lunch, before lectures, after lectures, before an exam, after an exam, with a chay, without a chay, in times of stress, in times of idleness, being happy, being sad, being with friends, being alone, blah blah.. Thats when I realised I hadn't learnt the art to smoke. I had become a chain smoker. A couple of packs a day was ruining my health, I was staying depressed all the while, was hardly socialising, sleeping off throughout, feeling drowsy all the time, and moreover not even growing. Not that I was using smoke to complete some stressful work like study for exams or complete assignments or stay awake for good.

We keep puffing away every waking moment of their lives without even noticing it. we grab a quick smoke in a hurry, we smoke when we are bored, we smoke while talking, while working, while doing something - smoking and multitasking: We smoke unconsciously, cigarette after cigarette, without even realizing it. Is it worth it?

I decided. Whenever I feel like smoking I shall stop everything and prepare myself for a 'meditative' smoke. Go to some quiet place where I can sit undisturbed, alone. Yes I must be alone. And when I do smoke, I shall only smoke – no multitasking. No more smoking with friends,with tea or coffee, no more smoking in the 'pyaara gang' feeling a guilt conscience that non-smokers don't like it, no more hurried puffs, no more mindless unconscious smoking. Only meditative, mindful, conscious smoking in glorious solitude, maintaining inner calm and tranquility, and total awareness.

I followed this religiously, and soon I discover that the number of cigarettes required to satisfy me have drastically reduced to a couple a day. My striving for quitting completely is going on. In the real world, (i.e. outside the campus), its gradually becoming cool not to smoke. In the object oriented lives with ambitions at stake, everyone is realizing the effect of smoking on the efficiency and lifestyle. Passive hazards are well known.

Many of us smokers sincerely want to quit. We know cigarettes threaten our health, annoy our acquaintances and cost an inordinate amount of money. It increases anxiety, decreases mental strength, leads to drowsiness and exhausts all the energy. Just find your non-smoking wingmate and compare his energy levels to yours, or just try to run to main gate and back, and you
will get my point.

Nobody can force a smoker to quit. It requires a personal commitment by the smoker. What kind of smoker are you? What do you get out of smoking? What does it do for you? It is important to identify what you use smoking for and what kind of satisfaction you feel that you are getting from smoking.

Many smokers use the cigarette as a kind of crutch in moments of stress or discomfort, and on occasion it may work; the cigarette is sometimes used as a tranquilizer. But the heavy smoker, the person who tries to handle severe personal problems by smoking heavily all day long, is apt to discover that cigarettes do not help him/her deal with his/her problems effectively.

When it comes to quitting, this kind of smoker may find it easy to stop when everything is going well, but may be tempted to start again in a time of crisis. Physical exertion, eating, drinking, or social activity in moderation may serve as useful substitutes for cigarettes, even in times of tension. The choice of a substitute depends on what will achieve the
same effects without having any appreciable risk.

Once a smoker understands his/her own smoking behavior, he will be able to cope more successfully and select the best quitting approaches for himself/herself and the type of life-style he leads.

Quitting smoking not only extends the ex-smoker's life, but adds new happiness and meaning to one's current life. Most smokers state that immediately after they quit smoking, they start noticing dramatic differences in their overall health and vitality. Also, while quitting take due care of the withdrawl symptoms by taking proper medication (Yes,
there exists such a thing!), or you might be ill for days on end.

Not just these two-smoking and drinking, there are always the extra strong substances to get 'highmax',
'Why drink and drive, when you can dope and fly..' The desire for feeling psychadelia or hallucinations, is a risky affair, and is increasingly handled frivolously among juniors, new entrants in the wing just to get along the 'so called cool seniors' or some bigtime 'rockers'. IIT has always has had students with such attitudes, with the kind of freedom provided in hostels, as well as outside.

The particular harm done by the organic ones is short term for a span of hours which fades out, but the chemicals might lead to affecting the psyche.
Unfortunately for all those stoners and drinkers out there, most brain cells don't regenerate. Illegal substances kill some of the nerve cells, thus decreasing the life span. It is observed that starting with the idea of 'trying everything out in life', in most cases leads to repeated doses. Although its a personal choice, it is better to know the ill effects of anything before trying it out. Frankly, trying it just to be involved in a wing treat or job treat is stupid. It just doesn't end there. 'You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave'.

Finally, my love for smoke:
'I phoned my dad to say I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter.' :)

Love

Light My Fire

"Todays gonna be the day when they are gonna throw it back to you"
and yeah, they did.

In my ball game, suddenly the referee stays stop. Its bad light. Just when you thought you were doing great with all the right moves, perfect temperament goes blip. Taken for a ride.

Just this point reminds me of Naruto, the undying spirit with which he carries on, with sheer stupidity and no second thoughts, he fights and he fights hard to attack the insurmountable. And he almost dies. But the stunning wallpaper, with his face colored with blood and scratches, his wide-open eyes scorning at an unbeliever, just looks into you and searches for the slumbering passion for living, and more importantly, winning. Substance.

"And all the roads you had to take are winding, all the lights that lead us there are blinding.."
Create a Wonderwall. So impenetrable, so intact, that you smile at the forays that tend to scare you into the vastness of defeat and perplexity.

It no longer seems a pain, but just a reminder that I used to be a puppy thrown off as in a skirmish.

A movie seems good the first time, you perceive a part of your personality (real or imaginary) in it the second time, and you know it all the third time. The push ups, the intermediaries, the accents, the angles and the predicaments in the dialogues rather than in the plot.

A song feels nice the first time due to its tune, second time gives you in the lyrics, and the third time you juxtapose them, appreciating the melody arrangement. pigeon hole - symmetry - harmony.

Love. Starts with admiration, captivates your heart, engages you in it for hours, adds to your efficiency.
Love. Translates into a habit, a maturity, a beautifying factor.
Love. Looks out for the pure feeling which brings a smile to your face. And not just once, forever.

Love is a moment. Just one. The one which, you feel the most about, the solitary moment in the passing, which just doesn't become a memory, but stays like a stopped clock dial. Not reminding you of the moment, but bringing back that smile, that stupendous smile, that rare brilliant smile mesmerizing you in the glory of the grandeur of it all. The magnificence of it all makes you wonder about the sublime and delicacy of love, the serenity which has passed by, the nostalgia the hovers around, with all its powers acting at the focus of the moment. Love is just that moment.

No, I don't believe at 'love at first sight', I don't believe people fall for each other in a flick; thats just scarcity of character or of favorable conditions making you conducive of giving away to your mind , letting it feel something adventurous, something novel and lovely. When we trekked in Black Forest, I was flowing with awe and emotion for a little girl, playing with her little brothers on a swing, which I still can't figure out why. She was beautiful, didn't say a word, was very shy, and was not at all a very young woman, if I should say. to be politically correct, I wasn't in love with her then, wasn't I just filled with admiration, think it was something in between. Not even infatuation. ( I have been killed with those since I was 12)

It all unfolds after all, like a feather falling in the right cap. Though I don't feel like finishing this one..
At midnight, when you see a star, you will always remember where we are.